Textbook Crazy

My mom and I have recently developed a nasty habit of pre-med school shopping. After getting the full offer last week, preparations for med school next year has gone into full steam, buying tickets for flights, textbooks, arranging for visas, health checks and police screenings. It has been a hectic week.

Not to mention, tomorrow morning I’ll be heading down to KK Women and Children’s Hospital for an interview. Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll probably be serving a short temporary tag on in the pediatrics’ emergency department to get some exposure and gain some context in which to better understand what I’ll be learning in slightly over 2 and a half months. And a little extra (which I’ll only blog about once I get into it…)

So today, mom and I went book shopping after a nice yummy brunch. We headed off to Yun Nan medical bookstore at Bras Basah and bought my first medical textbook! Kumar and Clark’s Clinical Medicine. I also managed to get Wheater’s Functional Histology, a book that was at least twice as expensive in Kino. The books were not only cheaper at Yun Nan, but the lady at the counter also gave us lots of very helpful advice on which books were good and which not to buy. While her tone was a tad condescending, I could really feel she was passionate about what she did, and really wanted to help. =) She was really knowledgeable about the books in her store, advising me which I would need, which were better or more popular, and suggesting some other books I might require in Year 1. Really nice lady.

We couldn’t find Netter’s Atlas of Human Anatomy there though, and she recommended we went to the NUS Co-op to find it. NUS was horrid to navigate about. Since neither mom nor I had any experience in NUS, we ended up spending most of our time driving in and out of carparks to nowhere and reversing out of dead ends. We did eventually find the medicine and science co-op and found a neat little stack of Netter’s. And having a quick flip through the pages, I can see what all the rage is about.

I have a suspicion that Netter’s was the book Hans Bacher was talking about when he spoke to me earlier this year about medical school. He mentioned he knew someone who did an arts degree, then went on to medical school, later becoming one of the world’s most famous medical illustrators. Netter is definitely one of them. And he graduated from design school too! His drawings are gorgeous and extremely detailed. I would have to struggle to turn off the drooling art student in me to study this book properly.

So after today’s purchases, my textbook stack has grown a little. Here it is next to my phone for some size comparison.

We later went on to Funan to 1. Buy ma’s outdated Korean drama, and 2. Drink arguably the best Ya Kun coffee in Singapore.

The shop turned out to no longer carry the outdated Korean drama, so after a quick coffee, we went about looking for luggage; an exercise that eventually turned into a hunt for a good netbook.

Now, I’m using a really pretty, fantastic, amazing Macbook Pro, currently. However, it does weigh a very hefty 2.5kg. As much as I love how it is awesome with pdf files and looks really pretty, I found myself looking at the much lighter, cheaper, and simpler netbooks. I’m terribly tempted to buy a Samsung N120 netbook simply to chuck in my bag and bring from class to class, then return home every night to write essays, make presentations, and do revisions on my larger macbook pro. Though I’m worried I might slowly lose the need to have two computers and eventually stop using either one. A decision on this would take a couple more weeks of thinking. Not like I’m pressed for time anyway…

So a bit more studying before sleep time. Tomorrow promises to be an exciting day.

Chimps fighting over bananas

Hate begets hate.

How would you feel if someone told you that everything you were was stupid, ugly, and everything you touched would rot?

I don’t often buy the new paper, and when I do, it’s probably to satisfy this need for gossip and scandalous news running amok amongst the aunties of the marketplace. Today I bought a copy and amongst the articles that piqued my interest was a small commentary tucked away deep within the pages titled “Singlish ’sounds like chimps fighting over bananas’”.

The article was written by a youtube frequenter who noted some comments written on PCK (Phua Chu Kang) videos. These were written by a fellow named KaydenKolldy in which he asks “What kind of language is this? It sounds like chatering chimpanzees fighting over bananas. Do Singaporeans speak like this? PS You Asians are (expletive) ugly.” Then repeated this comment on several other videos to which he got replies like “You Australians are (expletive) stupid” or “(expletive) you (expletive). Don’t be a racist douche bag”. Another viewer tried to clarify KaydenKolldy’s understanding  of Singlish by explaining that “This is ‘Singlish’, a kind of English mixed with Hokkien and Malay”. To which the 23 year old Australian replied “Geez, it sounds horrible. You Asians see to rot everything you touch. Languages included.”

Now, I’m not going into how racist this young fellow seems to be, but more about the reactions from both sides. The author is right. Hate begets hate. But I strain to keep my tongue in check when I feel so insulted.

Insult. Why is that? I suppose pride is the source of this. I’m proud to be everything I am today. An ethnic Chinese. A Hainanese. A Singaporean. A woman. An arts student. A medical student. A not-entirely-straight human being. Thousands of people around the world worked hard over centuries for me to be able to stand here today as the person I am, with the culture I have. And to have someone come and spit upon everything I stand for just takes the icing off my cake.

I can’t help but feel like I have to retaliate. Protect this which is my life. I feel like if I just stand by and let comments like these pass, I’m perpetuating a growing trend of racism, sexism, bigotry and discrimination. Perhaps many others in the world feel this way. That we have to put in our comments. Protect what we feel is right. And try to sway these people with our words filled equally with anger and disdain. I feel slightly ashamed to say I do have a sense of gratification when I see these people get soundly beaten up by others in rows upon rows of text and compounded expletives. But at the end of the day, the world is just filled with more words, more shouting, more ****** and less understanding.

One part of me wishes I could come up with a device that can help me see the way others think, understand why they feel the way they do, and why I can’t seem to share the same sentiment. Perhaps the sound of chimps fighting over bananas is in reality the bickering we have over who is right in this war of words. The other part of me wishes I could come up with a machine to eradicate all those discriminatory thoughts from the world.

How would you feel if someone told you that everything you were was stupid, ugly, and everything you touched would rot? I feel pretty damned pissed.

Paths of Morality

It’s Ducky in a tie! =D

Anyway, that wasn’t the main point of my post.

This is.

Yes. You’re not seeing things. It really is $1 per litre of 98 and 95 grade petrol. Most people in Singapore would know that over the last weekend, Shell launched an 8 hour long campaign island wide that slashed prices of petrol to sinfully low prices. Naturally, the cars started queuing and causing jams that littered the entire country. We originally weren’t planning to join the madness, but having had lunch at Jurong Point, we slipped into the back of the queue for the Shell station opposite the Jurong Police Station. It wasn’t so bad, really. Took us about 20 minutes to reach the front of the queue and top up a good 70 litres for the Cayenne.

Emboldened, we took the other 2 cars out (BMW and Mini) to the Shell station just outside my place. But that was when horror began.

Now, as you can see from my crudely drawn diagram, we live really near the Shell station. In fact, by turning right rather than left at the T junction, we would be able to cut at least half the queue. But, seeing how the queue is a rather sizable one, we stuck to our moral compasses and turned left towards the U-turn, joining the back of the queue.

Having been in the queue for a good 30 minutes, we finally reached the T junction. Judging by the speed at which the queue was moving, it can be assumed that no one was jumping the line at the T junction (or the cars in the front simply clogged up the T junction’s leftmost lane, making it impassable to queue jumpers. We were all up in solidarity, together squeezing out any would-be-immoral queue jumpers.

However, upon reaching the T junction, I was stuck, miserably, just behind the stop line of the traffic light. The cars in front moved a lil, making a slight gap between our car, and long’s car which was ahead of us.

AND THEN!!!!

Two assholes jumped the queue right in the slight lil gap between our cars.

This gap slowly widened to fit one car, in which they both shoved the noses of their Jaguar and Audi, blocking off both lanes for the road.

Shell had gotten Cisco police people walking around to prevent any rioting and investigate what the fuck was going on. The Audi guy gestured he was going into the Pet Store. We figured, alright then. He can’t help cutting in, since you can only turn into the pet store from that lane.

But he didn’t go into the pet store!

The lying cheat just straightened out his car as soon as he could and joined the queue to Shell.

=.=

The Jaguar didn’t even bother. Just bulldozed her way through.

So our queue was cut by the two who chose the Path of Social Gracelessness.

It was a sad moment in Singapore.

Car horns wailed in protest through the air. Fingers and words of frustration waved at the two perpetrators from all across the line. Protests fell on deaf ears. Even the Cisco police people couldn’t do anything about these people who had dissented from the social order of the Singaporean Queue.

It was all a form of cruel irony that we found out shortly after that they had run out of stock for formula 98, causing most of the cars to leave the queue after anyway. We had queued for 45 minutes, essentially for nothing.

10 more hours

Before I call Monash again to check on the status of my results.

The lady on the phone on Tuesday told me the ranked list of international students just came out so results should be out this week.

Part of me already knows what result I am (or should be) getting. But this sliver of hope that remains is just killing me. Literally. I haven’t been able to function properly for over two weeks now, and in their desperation to get me back to some semblance of a normal life, my parents have given me other options to consider. Law was one of them. Surprising, knowing how much my mom detests lawyers.

But I think my path ahead is beginning to manifest itself is much higher definition as the days tick by. Now my choice is between an ACCA or UOL BSc. in Accounting and Finance.

I can’t even read the forums anymore without feeling this horrid pang of heartache.

I feel so weak. And I hate myself for it.

Everyone would be so much happier if I just took accounting and went along with it. Cheaper. Shorter. More tangible results.

I can always be a doctor in my next life, right?

I wish someone could hold my hand through this. But I know there will be just me tomorrow. Me and my phone in an empty house. Waiting to hear the answer I already know.

My Alternative Life

Now with the results for the GMS applications coming out soon, I’ve been under quite a fair bit of nudging to come up with my alternative plan of action.

As much as I would love to sit home and study for the GAMSAT again, hopefully getting a better result and qualifying for more universities next year, I can’t help but feel a sense of social and moral obligation to fulfill my responsibilities as the eldest and a daughter to come out on my own and begin working towards a career. I take some form of consolation that I can always try to be a doctor in my next life.

So I did some research on the ACCA my parents are so excited about, and with whatever information I could scramble together within 45 minutes, cobbled together a rough picture of what my life will be like for the next 3 to 4 years.

November 2009
Submit Application to ACCA UK

January 2010
F1 Accountant in Business
F2 Management Accounting
F4 Corporate and Business Law
F5 Performance Management

June 2010
Examinations

July 2010
F3 Financial Accounting
F6 Taxation
F7 Financial Reporting
F8 Audit and Assurance

December 2010
Examinations

January 2011
F9 Financial Management
P1 Professional Accountant
P5 Advanced Performance Management

June 2011
Examinations

July 2011
P2 Corporate Reporting
P3 Business Analysis
P7 Advanced Audit and Assurance

December 2011
Examinations

January 2012
GMAT test for MBA

February 2012
Release of exam results
Provisional Membership at ICPAS

March 2012
Application to part time NUS MBA or Nanyang MBA

March-August 2012
ICPAS Pre-Admission course (1 week)
CPA

August 2012 – May 2014
MBA

Effectively, I would finish my ACCA UK in 2 years, get CPA in 2.5 years (not sure if I can, considering the 3 years work experience requirement), and acquire an MBA in 4 years.

[edit] After a conversation with my dad over lunch, I’ve found that MBA is pretty much useless unless I want to do teaching or consultant work. So I suppose the MBA option will remain a “maybe” for the next couple of years and see where I go from there.

Now, at this point, some people might be pointing out that I might be trying to squeeze too much into too small a time frame. But after surviving 4 years of undergraduate experience with 6 subjects a semester and still managing As all around, I think 4 papers a sitting is taking it rather easy on myself. Not to mention both my parents are CPAs, so I have my own personal 24/7 tutor helpline should I run into any difficulties with the subject matter.

I never found my Business Finance subject easy in year 3, but I figured it was because of the mountain of formulas to digest. Plus, being probably the most risk-adverse person on the northern hemisphere, I could not comprehend most of the formulas taking into account someone who would be willing to delve into the stock markets so willingly. In my opinion, their money would have been better off in a cookie tin.

I won’t do well working in the finance sector.

I’m doing all this research with a rather childish sulk. The sort of sulk you would give as you watch your dreams gradually vaporize in front of you accompanied by the loud joyous applause of the people around you telling you “this is a good choice”.

Would you be sulking too?

Progress Bar 70%

For the past two weeks, my mornings have been quite a roller coaster of emotion, starting with my inevitable waking up and staring at my phone in anxious anticipation at 6am. The phonecall I wait for never comes, and I end up with a sinking feeling of mixed relief and dismay.

So what exactly have I been doing for the past couple of weeks since my return?

Well, I’ve been shopping.

I read up alot on an ongoing debate in America regarding the teaching of Creationism (now called Intelligent Design) in classrooms. Did some research on climate change and the differing opinions and hypothesis in the scientific community (i.e., Cloud cover and solar irradiation). Played a whole lot of playfish.

Oh yes. And fell sick and got semi-well.

I’m going to take a few paragraphs out now to rant a little at the doctors at the Silver Cross clinic that serves the community of my neighborhood. Some of you already know the entire shebang since I kept complaining about it. You can skip to the next dotted line to continue with the rest of the post.

————————————————

On my first visit to the clinic, I presented with a incessant nosebleed and mild fever, and informed the doctor that I had been in Australia for the past 3 weeks and only just returned the day before. The doctor told me the nosebleeds was due to the dry weather in Australia (disregarding the fact that my nose only bled in Singapore, and was fine overseas), and the fever was due to the nosebleeds. He prescribed me with nose drops and sent me off without anything else.

On the third day of my return (1 day after seeing Doctor #1) my fever continued to climb after the nosebleeds stopped, now spiking at 38ºc but fluctuating wildly with lows of 37.4ºc. I began getting severe headaches and a slight rash began to develop on my legs and back. So I go back to the clinic and see the attending doctor at the time, Doctor #2. This time my mom went with me to make sure I got some medicine, or at least some reasonable explanation.

Doctor #2 asks some questions and quickly realizes that Doctor #1 had put “returned from Australia 3 weeks ago” instead of “was in Australia for 3 weeks”. He then performs a general examination, finding no visible inflammation. No coughing or sneezing was present. He explains that I do not have a fever (fever has to be 37.5 and above), and the rash is due to friction in the dry weather of Australia (also disregarding that the rash developed when I returned). He says I have a non-localized minor viral infection and he can’t do anything about it.

My mom at this point gets a little flustered and asks alot of questions about H1N1 and whether I might be at risk. The doctor becomes visibly irritated with us (this is only 3 minutes into the visit) and gives curt, short, and rather uninformative answers, saying he can’t do anything unless we want a blood test, which he cannot do for us in the clinic either. After this visit, I was sent home with no medicine.

Now (1.5 weeks later) the rash has spread to my arms, up my back, on parts of my scalp, down most of my legs to my feet and soles. The fever comes and goes still, some days at 37.5, some days completely normal at 36.9. I’ve got a dry cough, and random muscular aches. And I have daily headaches and resort to up to 6 panadols a day.

In my opinion, I have a really mild case of H1N1. Minus the rash which seems like an extra symptom.

I suppose I am pretty miffed at the doctors at Silver Cross.

1. take the time to listen to your patient and take down the correct history. There’s a whole world of difference between “returned 3 weeks ago” and “was there for 3 weeks”. Especially in a H1N1 hotspot like Melbourne.
2. Try to explain your suggested diagnosis properly. I didn’t exactly buy the “dry weather in Australia” to explain my nosebleeds, given that my nose only bled in the much more humid environment of Singapore.
3. Don’t just dismiss your patients. You may see dozens of patients a day, but a patient sees just one doctor. Getting irritated with their questions and treating them so flippantly is highly unprofessional, and definitely not what I have been studying clinical ethics to become.
4. Ask more questions. I had to ask all the questions like “do you think it is contagious”, “are there any steps I can take at home to alleviate the symptoms”, and “I work with young children. Should I be taking an MC”. If he had just let me walk out of there, I might have gone back to work, and spread my unknown itchy sickness to all the kids.

Sigh… I understand doctors these days have to deal with alot of probably well but think they are very unwell patients who stream in droves to clinics. But their goals are not to waste your time. Ambroise Pare said a physician’s job is to cure occasionally, alleviate often and console always. It’s in cases like these you should push yourselves to practice the other two aspects of what makes this such an admirable profession.

——————————————-

Anyway…

It’s the second week of October now. So the results of the Monash GMS interview should be out any time now. To be honest, while I hope for the best, I’m expecting the worst. I’m actually waiting for the email to come in the morning saying “Dear Yuying, we regret to inform you….”

My parents sat me down during lunch today to discuss what they feel I should be doing should I not make it to med school this intake. I know their qualms about me trying another year. I’m their first born, and the only graduate. And yet, unlike their friends’ kids, I don’t hold a steady job, haven’t started my career, and don’t have a rock solid plan for the future.

They discussed with me today the possibility of me taking a joint ACCA ICPAS course leading to a CPA in 3 years, all the while working at my dad’s office to learn the ropes. After getting CPA, I might get to be a partner, and take over the business my parents built from scratch.

I feel a bit of moral obligation to study accounting, to be honest, as much as the thought repulses me to no end. None of their kids has taken up accounting, and with the other two of this trio with someone formed ideas of their futures, that leaves just me to pick up the pieces.

Sure, I don’t mind so much. With this job, it’s stable, I know I can provide for my family in the future, my parents’ life’s work is safe. But my heart screams it’s not what I want.

But then again… Am I just being childish and selfish, clinging onto these dreams that are never meant to be? I’ve wanted to be a great many things in my life.

I’m so sure I want to be a doctor. I’m so sure I want to save lives, make a difference with these hands of mine. I’m so sure I was meant for something greater.

But what if this certainty of mine is wrong?

I need more time to think about this.

=(

Now it’s already been a good couple of days since I started preparing for my interview next week. Aside from the nightmares every night I have of various faceless people slapping me with question after question, I found I’m beginning to approach matters in a very different way than when I first started out. I’m starting to observe all available perspectives with much greater ease. I’m finding it easier to think about all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what exactly are they thinking/feeling’. It’s all wonderfully eye-opening, at the same time bringing me a sense of peace with myself and my constant frustrations at the seemingly incompetent world around me.

A hunt through Borders and Kinokuniya have yielded close to zilch in my search for the book Ward Ethics: Dilemmas for medical students and doctors in training. I did, however, find a book by Tony Hope entitled Medical Ethics, which in all honesty is a pretty tough read. I’ve resorted to reading the former through Google Books, trying to figure out what went on in the omitted pages.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready for the interview next week. But I’ll give it all I’ve got regardless. A medical school dean once said in the welcome speech to freshmen that 90% of the doctors you will be, you already are. And if the interviewing committee finds I’m not ready for life as a doctor, I wouldn’t want someone’s life in my hands either.

There are times when I wonder if my life would have been easier if I had gone on and did some science related course rather than this BFA of mine. Certainly, the GAMSAT would have been much easier. No telling if my grades would have been better too. I was a very different person back then, while choosing university courses. Unsure and unconfident of myself and what I could achieve. To be quite frank, I still wanted to study medicine back then. But this complete lack of confidence in myself translated to a total lack of confidence that I would be able to do anything to effect any positive change at all in anyone’s life.

Quite simply, the old me wouldn’t have made a very good doctor at all.

Sure, going through ADM resulted in me realizing I actually couldn’t draw after all and gave me a less than fantastic grade at graduation. I still don’t have the basic sciences required to qualify me for an MD program. The GAMSAT and studying for it was absolute hell. But I’ve come out a completely different person.

I’ve learnt that I can make a difference if I just stood up and took action to help others. I’ve learnt that if I tried really really hard at something, I would be able to get the results I wanted (results as opposed to grades, unfortunately). I learnt that I had enough passion to override this uncertainty in me. If I gave it all my heart and soul, I can do some good in this world. My life would count for something. I would have made a difference.

I wouldn’t have learnt any of this if I hadn’t chose ADM, hadn’t met all these wonderful people, hadn’t done all those things. I’m done thinking I’m not good enough, or I’m not smart enough. Studying for the GAMSAT this year was undoubtedly the toughest time in my life. Not only did I have to juggle both GAMSAT and my Final Year Project concurrently, I also spent hours with my mom in the hospital. Emotionally, physically, and mentally taxing. I’ve learned alot more than enantiomers and F=MA. I still managed to get a relatively competitive score for this year’s admissions (though not good enough for Flinders or ANU).

I can do this.

Pulitzer

Here’s a link to a series of photographs which won the Pulitzer Prize a couple of years back documenting the final leg of the journey for a young boy afflicted with cancer.

His courage, her strength. Certainly puts your life into stark perspective. Worth taking a few minutes to look at.

LINK HERE

Clicking the link above will navigate you away from this page

Monash one step closer

Today I got the email I was waiting so long for.

I’ve been invited to interview with Monash Gippsland Medical School on the 4th of September. The interview will be held in NTU’s Nanyang Executive Center.

Excited! And nervous at the same time. It’s my first med school interview (not counting the somewhat informal question session with Dr Chow a while back). Didn’t actually think I would get to interview this year, what with my lousy GPA and borderline GAMSAT. But now that I’ve got a spot in the interview, I’ve got my last chance to show em what I’ve got to offer!

Been scouring the forums for some clue as to what the MMI will be like. Reading through some bioethical journals as well. Quite an eye-opener.

Pretty tired these couple of days. Mostly from the early mornings that come with work. Love work though. Kids are cute (though demonic sometimes), co-workers are awesome, hours are good, pay is great.

Should get to sleep soon. Xuan and Lu leaving tomorrow evening, Papa in tow. Had satay club just now after dinner with long long. Yummy! And cheap too. Will miss them once they’re gone. Soon I’ll be lonely again.

And all I’ll have is Bear Bear… And my girlfriend. Lol. More blogging tomorrow. Sleep now.