OMG..

I’m in.

I’m going to be a doctor.

This is one of those moments you can’t really believe is actually happening.

I’m now a Monash Graduate Medical School student.

Thanks to everyone for their support all the way to this point. =) And to certain people for tolerating my incessant whining.

Now to pick out a stethoscope.

Paths of Morality

It’s Ducky in a tie! =D

Anyway, that wasn’t the main point of my post.

This is.

Yes. You’re not seeing things. It really is $1 per litre of 98 and 95 grade petrol. Most people in Singapore would know that over the last weekend, Shell launched an 8 hour long campaign island wide that slashed prices of petrol to sinfully low prices. Naturally, the cars started queuing and causing jams that littered the entire country. We originally weren’t planning to join the madness, but having had lunch at Jurong Point, we slipped into the back of the queue for the Shell station opposite the Jurong Police Station. It wasn’t so bad, really. Took us about 20 minutes to reach the front of the queue and top up a good 70 litres for the Cayenne.

Emboldened, we took the other 2 cars out (BMW and Mini) to the Shell station just outside my place. But that was when horror began.

Now, as you can see from my crudely drawn diagram, we live really near the Shell station. In fact, by turning right rather than left at the T junction, we would be able to cut at least half the queue. But, seeing how the queue is a rather sizable one, we stuck to our moral compasses and turned left towards the U-turn, joining the back of the queue.

Having been in the queue for a good 30 minutes, we finally reached the T junction. Judging by the speed at which the queue was moving, it can be assumed that no one was jumping the line at the T junction (or the cars in the front simply clogged up the T junction’s leftmost lane, making it impassable to queue jumpers. We were all up in solidarity, together squeezing out any would-be-immoral queue jumpers.

However, upon reaching the T junction, I was stuck, miserably, just behind the stop line of the traffic light. The cars in front moved a lil, making a slight gap between our car, and long’s car which was ahead of us.

AND THEN!!!!

Two assholes jumped the queue right in the slight lil gap between our cars.

This gap slowly widened to fit one car, in which they both shoved the noses of their Jaguar and Audi, blocking off both lanes for the road.

Shell had gotten Cisco police people walking around to prevent any rioting and investigate what the fuck was going on. The Audi guy gestured he was going into the Pet Store. We figured, alright then. He can’t help cutting in, since you can only turn into the pet store from that lane.

But he didn’t go into the pet store!

The lying cheat just straightened out his car as soon as he could and joined the queue to Shell.

=.=

The Jaguar didn’t even bother. Just bulldozed her way through.

So our queue was cut by the two who chose the Path of Social Gracelessness.

It was a sad moment in Singapore.

Car horns wailed in protest through the air. Fingers and words of frustration waved at the two perpetrators from all across the line. Protests fell on deaf ears. Even the Cisco police people couldn’t do anything about these people who had dissented from the social order of the Singaporean Queue.

It was all a form of cruel irony that we found out shortly after that they had run out of stock for formula 98, causing most of the cars to leave the queue after anyway. We had queued for 45 minutes, essentially for nothing.

Decal-ed

Quite tough to see, but it’s matte black decals on a nice metallic black body. The words are cut out of the matte black strips to show the shiny surface below.

10 more hours

Before I call Monash again to check on the status of my results.

The lady on the phone on Tuesday told me the ranked list of international students just came out so results should be out this week.

Part of me already knows what result I am (or should be) getting. But this sliver of hope that remains is just killing me. Literally. I haven’t been able to function properly for over two weeks now, and in their desperation to get me back to some semblance of a normal life, my parents have given me other options to consider. Law was one of them. Surprising, knowing how much my mom detests lawyers.

But I think my path ahead is beginning to manifest itself is much higher definition as the days tick by. Now my choice is between an ACCA or UOL BSc. in Accounting and Finance.

I can’t even read the forums anymore without feeling this horrid pang of heartache.

I feel so weak. And I hate myself for it.

Everyone would be so much happier if I just took accounting and went along with it. Cheaper. Shorter. More tangible results.

I can always be a doctor in my next life, right?

I wish someone could hold my hand through this. But I know there will be just me tomorrow. Me and my phone in an empty house. Waiting to hear the answer I already know.

The Wait begins

Monash began calling their successful applicants about 3 hours and 15 minutes ago.

Now the wait for the one email begins.

The suspense is so horrid I feel completely dysfunctional.

Yes or No I just wish they would tell me now!

Going going gone

It’s going.

All of it.

I cleared out more than half of everything in my wardrobe, extracting from its dusty depths huge armfuls of clothing. Tomorrow, they’ll be off to the salvation army and/or some tailors so they can sell the material for some extra cash.

If this doesnt say “I love you more than anything so I’m tossing out all the clothes I love wearing for clothes you love me wearing”, I don’t know what does.

The dust is starting to irritate my nose.. =\

It’s only one more day till Monday, marking the start of the Monash results week. Somewhere deep in my heart, I already know the answer for me is a “no”. I wonder what fate has in store for me, twisting and spinning me round like a fluffy plaything.

Change change change!

Mini is home from 2 and a half weeks in car spa!

No, really. He just got a respray. This is how Mini looked like when we collected him from Mini Habitat almost 2 years ago.

Woot! Can’t believe it’s been 2 years! But now, Mini’s looking brand spanking new in the new metallic black color range! The black looks fabulous with the red and piano black interior, B&W union jack side panels, and JCW rims. GORGEOUS! We also fitted him with Mini’s new line of JCW body kits (see the new extra side skirting?)

A close up of the new body kit from the front. It juts out from the car more, makes it seem a whole lot lower, and comes with a bunch of new air vent things.

It also came with this panel on the inside of the door! SWEET!!!

All in all, we were really happy with the car. It looks great, drives great, and they even very kindly helped us change out the previously dented/scratched license plates. The guys at the workshop did an outstanding job. The Mini looks like an entirely different car today. =) Now that I’ve actually seen the car with its new paint job, I’m not so certain we should be covering it in decals. Perhaps the more prudent thing to do now is to leave it be for a couple of days, see how the current look sticks.

23 Years Old!

Today I turn 23.

I think I’ve reached the point of my life when one year seems to begin blending into the next. 23 doesn’t feel any different from 22 or 24. The implications of the number were lost on me just for today.

In all honesty, the day didn’t start out too well. I spent too much time last night watching documentaries on black holes, space time fabric and theories of relativity, resulting in my rather lackluster appearance today having woken up at 8am to have breakfast with my dad.

Yeap. For those who don’t know (i.e., new to this blog) I share the same birthday with my dad. Today he turns 56.

The day started with the usual mee sua (meant to symbolize longevity since it’s so long and stringy), photos, and I got my present from Long and the rest of the kids. =) We were supposed to head to office to join my dad for the birthday party there. But after I had showered, changed into my pretty clothes, dolled myself up, I realized I was the only one ready, and we inevitably ended up being too late, and my mom told us not to bother coming down. =\

That was a big bummer for the day. Having to spend my entire birthday indoors, watching more videos on my computer. I literally didn’t set foot beyond my front door. Spending the whole day in covers me with a thick layer of sian that was pretty difficult to shake off.

Dinner was good though, and things began to pick up there. Mama cooked a great big pot of Buddha Jumps Over The Wall. A very elaborate and really really really delicious dish choc full of expensive and delicious treats like abalone and sea cucumber. =D I had 3 bowls!

My aunt and uncle came for dinner too, bringing with them a big bottle of Moet champagne! Everyone had a glass of it. =D Yummy stuff. I’ve already begun to forget how to hold my liquor. Just a little is enough to set me off the edge. =\

This is the tower of presents papa and I got this year! Awesome isn’t it?

The big blue/green ones are papa’s, as is the little bag with bears on it. Mine are the pink baggy, the black baggy, and the two gold ones. (plus an extra big big big soft toy my parents bought for me as an after thought).

This year, we bought papa a Drobo. It’s a customizable network storage solution with 4 bays for internal hard disk slots. We bought an extra 5 TB of space to slot in and get him started, as well as a Drobo share to let him share his stuff over the wireless network at home. Cost a bomb. But it was Perfect. =)

Long and Zihui made the trip to Orchard Central to buy us this fantastic banana chocolate tart cake!

Pa and my cards!

The usual durian cake from Sheraton and the special tart cake! We usually have 2 cakes, or one big cake.

When we were in Orchard Central this year, I noticed this shop selling poker chips and remarked over excitedly how awesome they were. Everyone noticed and I ended up getting two sets of poker chips! And a texas hold em game (with tutorial). LOL!

Started out with this… But I very rapidly lost all my chips. Even when we play without real cash, I still go broke! These chips which the rest of the kids bought me have a metal center making them nice and heavy. The ones papa and mama bought for me have “monte carlo” all over them and feel like those in Crown!

Bear posing with all my presents this year! The shirt is from aunt and uncle. Big soft toy at the back. Texas Hold Em set (complete with a mat in it like a real gambling table, a deck of cards, some unnumbered chips and a ‘how to’ manual on all types of poker). Deck of invisible cards from baby. Plus one more additional book she bought me which my mom is currently half reading. =\ One set of poker chips with metal in the clear case in front. One entire briefcase of poker chips with 2 decks of cards and 5 die. One extra deck of cards from the kids that “glow in black light” and have all the picture cards looking sad and emo. Hahahahhaha.

The beginning of my gambling obsession! You saw it here first!

All in all, while I didn’t spend the day with neither friends nor significant other, spending it home with family turned out not so bad. We even ordered in some pizza and watched a weird documentary on how humans descended from aliens.

Thanks to everyone and their birthday wishes! =)

And thanks to my really sweet dear for trying your utmost to make this day special for me even though you’re so very busy. I really really really liked the card substitute. =) I love you!

My Alternative Life

Now with the results for the GMS applications coming out soon, I’ve been under quite a fair bit of nudging to come up with my alternative plan of action.

As much as I would love to sit home and study for the GAMSAT again, hopefully getting a better result and qualifying for more universities next year, I can’t help but feel a sense of social and moral obligation to fulfill my responsibilities as the eldest and a daughter to come out on my own and begin working towards a career. I take some form of consolation that I can always try to be a doctor in my next life.

So I did some research on the ACCA my parents are so excited about, and with whatever information I could scramble together within 45 minutes, cobbled together a rough picture of what my life will be like for the next 3 to 4 years.

November 2009
Submit Application to ACCA UK

January 2010
F1 Accountant in Business
F2 Management Accounting
F4 Corporate and Business Law
F5 Performance Management

June 2010
Examinations

July 2010
F3 Financial Accounting
F6 Taxation
F7 Financial Reporting
F8 Audit and Assurance

December 2010
Examinations

January 2011
F9 Financial Management
P1 Professional Accountant
P5 Advanced Performance Management

June 2011
Examinations

July 2011
P2 Corporate Reporting
P3 Business Analysis
P7 Advanced Audit and Assurance

December 2011
Examinations

January 2012
GMAT test for MBA

February 2012
Release of exam results
Provisional Membership at ICPAS

March 2012
Application to part time NUS MBA or Nanyang MBA

March-August 2012
ICPAS Pre-Admission course (1 week)
CPA

August 2012 – May 2014
MBA

Effectively, I would finish my ACCA UK in 2 years, get CPA in 2.5 years (not sure if I can, considering the 3 years work experience requirement), and acquire an MBA in 4 years.

[edit] After a conversation with my dad over lunch, I’ve found that MBA is pretty much useless unless I want to do teaching or consultant work. So I suppose the MBA option will remain a “maybe” for the next couple of years and see where I go from there.

Now, at this point, some people might be pointing out that I might be trying to squeeze too much into too small a time frame. But after surviving 4 years of undergraduate experience with 6 subjects a semester and still managing As all around, I think 4 papers a sitting is taking it rather easy on myself. Not to mention both my parents are CPAs, so I have my own personal 24/7 tutor helpline should I run into any difficulties with the subject matter.

I never found my Business Finance subject easy in year 3, but I figured it was because of the mountain of formulas to digest. Plus, being probably the most risk-adverse person on the northern hemisphere, I could not comprehend most of the formulas taking into account someone who would be willing to delve into the stock markets so willingly. In my opinion, their money would have been better off in a cookie tin.

I won’t do well working in the finance sector.

I’m doing all this research with a rather childish sulk. The sort of sulk you would give as you watch your dreams gradually vaporize in front of you accompanied by the loud joyous applause of the people around you telling you “this is a good choice”.

Would you be sulking too?

Progress Bar 70%

For the past two weeks, my mornings have been quite a roller coaster of emotion, starting with my inevitable waking up and staring at my phone in anxious anticipation at 6am. The phonecall I wait for never comes, and I end up with a sinking feeling of mixed relief and dismay.

So what exactly have I been doing for the past couple of weeks since my return?

Well, I’ve been shopping.

I read up alot on an ongoing debate in America regarding the teaching of Creationism (now called Intelligent Design) in classrooms. Did some research on climate change and the differing opinions and hypothesis in the scientific community (i.e., Cloud cover and solar irradiation). Played a whole lot of playfish.

Oh yes. And fell sick and got semi-well.

I’m going to take a few paragraphs out now to rant a little at the doctors at the Silver Cross clinic that serves the community of my neighborhood. Some of you already know the entire shebang since I kept complaining about it. You can skip to the next dotted line to continue with the rest of the post.

————————————————

On my first visit to the clinic, I presented with a incessant nosebleed and mild fever, and informed the doctor that I had been in Australia for the past 3 weeks and only just returned the day before. The doctor told me the nosebleeds was due to the dry weather in Australia (disregarding the fact that my nose only bled in Singapore, and was fine overseas), and the fever was due to the nosebleeds. He prescribed me with nose drops and sent me off without anything else.

On the third day of my return (1 day after seeing Doctor #1) my fever continued to climb after the nosebleeds stopped, now spiking at 38ºc but fluctuating wildly with lows of 37.4ºc. I began getting severe headaches and a slight rash began to develop on my legs and back. So I go back to the clinic and see the attending doctor at the time, Doctor #2. This time my mom went with me to make sure I got some medicine, or at least some reasonable explanation.

Doctor #2 asks some questions and quickly realizes that Doctor #1 had put “returned from Australia 3 weeks ago” instead of “was in Australia for 3 weeks”. He then performs a general examination, finding no visible inflammation. No coughing or sneezing was present. He explains that I do not have a fever (fever has to be 37.5 and above), and the rash is due to friction in the dry weather of Australia (also disregarding that the rash developed when I returned). He says I have a non-localized minor viral infection and he can’t do anything about it.

My mom at this point gets a little flustered and asks alot of questions about H1N1 and whether I might be at risk. The doctor becomes visibly irritated with us (this is only 3 minutes into the visit) and gives curt, short, and rather uninformative answers, saying he can’t do anything unless we want a blood test, which he cannot do for us in the clinic either. After this visit, I was sent home with no medicine.

Now (1.5 weeks later) the rash has spread to my arms, up my back, on parts of my scalp, down most of my legs to my feet and soles. The fever comes and goes still, some days at 37.5, some days completely normal at 36.9. I’ve got a dry cough, and random muscular aches. And I have daily headaches and resort to up to 6 panadols a day.

In my opinion, I have a really mild case of H1N1. Minus the rash which seems like an extra symptom.

I suppose I am pretty miffed at the doctors at Silver Cross.

1. take the time to listen to your patient and take down the correct history. There’s a whole world of difference between “returned 3 weeks ago” and “was there for 3 weeks”. Especially in a H1N1 hotspot like Melbourne.
2. Try to explain your suggested diagnosis properly. I didn’t exactly buy the “dry weather in Australia” to explain my nosebleeds, given that my nose only bled in the much more humid environment of Singapore.
3. Don’t just dismiss your patients. You may see dozens of patients a day, but a patient sees just one doctor. Getting irritated with their questions and treating them so flippantly is highly unprofessional, and definitely not what I have been studying clinical ethics to become.
4. Ask more questions. I had to ask all the questions like “do you think it is contagious”, “are there any steps I can take at home to alleviate the symptoms”, and “I work with young children. Should I be taking an MC”. If he had just let me walk out of there, I might have gone back to work, and spread my unknown itchy sickness to all the kids.

Sigh… I understand doctors these days have to deal with alot of probably well but think they are very unwell patients who stream in droves to clinics. But their goals are not to waste your time. Ambroise Pare said a physician’s job is to cure occasionally, alleviate often and console always. It’s in cases like these you should push yourselves to practice the other two aspects of what makes this such an admirable profession.

——————————————-

Anyway…

It’s the second week of October now. So the results of the Monash GMS interview should be out any time now. To be honest, while I hope for the best, I’m expecting the worst. I’m actually waiting for the email to come in the morning saying “Dear Yuying, we regret to inform you….”

My parents sat me down during lunch today to discuss what they feel I should be doing should I not make it to med school this intake. I know their qualms about me trying another year. I’m their first born, and the only graduate. And yet, unlike their friends’ kids, I don’t hold a steady job, haven’t started my career, and don’t have a rock solid plan for the future.

They discussed with me today the possibility of me taking a joint ACCA ICPAS course leading to a CPA in 3 years, all the while working at my dad’s office to learn the ropes. After getting CPA, I might get to be a partner, and take over the business my parents built from scratch.

I feel a bit of moral obligation to study accounting, to be honest, as much as the thought repulses me to no end. None of their kids has taken up accounting, and with the other two of this trio with someone formed ideas of their futures, that leaves just me to pick up the pieces.

Sure, I don’t mind so much. With this job, it’s stable, I know I can provide for my family in the future, my parents’ life’s work is safe. But my heart screams it’s not what I want.

But then again… Am I just being childish and selfish, clinging onto these dreams that are never meant to be? I’ve wanted to be a great many things in my life.

I’m so sure I want to be a doctor. I’m so sure I want to save lives, make a difference with these hands of mine. I’m so sure I was meant for something greater.

But what if this certainty of mine is wrong?

I need more time to think about this.